i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm getting married
To pizza
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
