8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
