You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize