Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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