Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
And then he peed in my hair
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