Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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