yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
