Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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