I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
