Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
