Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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