I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize