you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
