so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
