Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
