I need to stop coming to work sober
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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