i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
