everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
