playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
