I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
