I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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