question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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