I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
