i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
