one might say we're banned from that church
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
