it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
