My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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