Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How naked do you want me to be?
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