Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
