Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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