I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ttyl tear gas
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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