the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
