You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am naked and annoyed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
