you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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