I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
