Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
