i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
