My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize