Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
