check it out our google latitudes are spooning
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
