I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
