i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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