I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wear drunk well.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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