How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
