She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize