What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
