I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
