Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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