i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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