also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
