Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
