where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize