Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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