I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
