I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
