I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
