I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
