Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
