Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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