I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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