just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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