I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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